this and that and a cup of tea
2003-10-27 - 8:47 p.m.

So I’ve been playing with my diary layout a lot. I’m still not sure if I like it. I wish I could make one “from scratch” but I’m not quite that html savvy yet. For now I’ll just take good designs and destroy them for practice.

I got a letter from Cassie today and that made my little heart happy. It told of her moving soon and promised ice cream this week. We share a love of ice cream and looking at the digital clock when it reads 9:11. It’s kind of odd but when I hear “Nine Eleven” I think of Cassie and the clock in her car instead of the tragedies of the Twin Towers. It’s also kind of odd that Cassie originally was good friends with Tanya, but over time and graduations they lost touch and then somehow which I don’t really remember, Cassie and I started hanging out and then kept writing. Same thing with Kristy. I don’t usually like girls but these two girls are different and sort of strange and that’s why I enjoy their company.

Joel is going to take my computer and have them fix the keyboard and hopefully bring it back before my 21st birthday…in June. It seems to take those people at Apple a while to figure out my problems.

I was thinking about things.

About gym class in 10th grade. The teacher had a best friend with a form of muscular dystrophy so he had some insight into disabilities and he was great in working with me and letting me do as much as I could but never really put me in a position where I was forced to do something I couldn’t do and therefore embarrass myself. Instead of running laps around the inside of the gym, he let me and a friend of mine walk laps in the hallway around the gym. There was a day we were outside in the parking lot and I tripped on a piece of gravel and hurt my knee. Blood was dripping down my leg, so he told me to go inside and clean up and head upstairs. There was an upstairs of the gym where they stored the wrestling mats and other sporty things and also where we played badminton. The entrance to this place was either: 1. above the first section of bleachers which entailed using the bleachers as stairs which was out of the question for me or 2. a steep metal spiral staircase. I was going up the spiral staircase one step at a time when I heard the other kids coming behind me. They were always in a hurry and so inpatient. One boy was directly behind my left foot at all times, sighing often, even asking me if I wanted a piggy back ride just so he could get past me. Just hurtful.

11th grade I was still walking but I needed help so I would hold onto a friend’s arm or use the wall to balance myself. My high school was like many high schools : overcrowded (with annoying, mostly rude kids). Walking in the halls from class to class was basically my biggest challenge of the day. I was always aware of my surroundings, my senses full force. But you can’t always be aware of those certain morons who just come out of nowhere, forcing themselves through the sea of backpacks and collared shirts, not at all worried about the frightened girl close to the wall. I did fall on occasion, a few times I got hurt more than a single band aid would cover, twice I had to get stitches (in my head), but mostly it was the emotional hurt. Falling wouldn’t be that terrible, it was the fact that I wasn’t able to get up by myself that troubled me. Not many people are as kind hearted to help someone up that they don’t know and they don’t know why the girl can’t just get up by herself. That fear was basically what made up my junior year of high school, but it also created opportunity for some great friendships I developed that year as well…. I was just thinking about it all and how it made me feel and see things and grow.