noramce
2003-12-21 - 2:53 p.m.

I changed some things here… I think I like this better. And I might lock this up for a while and just write in my xanga journal, or maybe just hide away in the quiet places where I can actually hear myself think, and make some decisions about my attitude and view on things – because I think I need it adjusted. I need to pray more…or any at all.

From now on I’m going to refer to my psychologist simply as my counselor (or Mrs. Johnson) because it doesn’t make me feel as crazy that way. She is coming tomorrow for another visit and I think she’s bringing her daughter who is about my age. The daughter checked it out with her college somewhere in S.C. and she’s going to take some of my jewelry to see if it will sell up there; expanding my marketplace, so to speak. I really like Mrs. Johnson and I actually feel really comfortable opening up to her about things. I almost feel the same with her though as I do with my family, not wanting to bring them down with my problems and worries. I have to keep telling myself that this is her job. This is her job. Gosh, what a job.

I think Sera was supposed to get home today or tomorrow. I need to call her because this time I am determined to see her during her leave. It will be so weird seeing my best friend from high school after not seeing her for two years and after all this change… but I can’t keep losing friends because I’m afraid of facing them and maybe being judged by them for my now obvious disability. That’s so cowardly and not a trait I want to acquire.