my counselor came today
2004-01-09 - 6:37 p.m.

There's more to the story now and I was told the other side of the story today. My sister came over and talked with my mom and they were screaming at each other and it made me remember about six years ago when there was fighting all the time. I was eleven or twelve and I was lying on the floor crying while they fought. My sister stormed out with one last expletive as she slammed the door and I went into hystericks. My parents told me I had a nervous breakdown. I don't remember much of it except that Tanya was on the floor beside me, with that nervous grin on her face that she gets in bad situations and doesn't know what to do.

So I went from being angry at my sister and brother in law, to sort of seeing their side of the story today and I thought things were better. They felt better until my dad came home and we told him about my sister coming over and what she told us. I tried as best I could to explain that he needs to atleast entertain the thought of my sister not doing this to be cruel or to spite him, but instead following what they believe God has told them to do. Instead, my dad now thinks I'm taking sides and thinking that my sister did nothing wrong and that Dad just needs to get over it. I'm not doing that at all. I just know that my sister is writing him a letter trying to give Dad all the facts, let him read it and digest it for a while, then meet and talk face to face about it. If Dad talks with them with the same position as he did with me today, then its safe to say my family will be in streads again and thats all I'm trying to avoid, because that really really sucks. And he won't talk to me anymore about it, he wouldn't even walk past me at one point. I wish he would just go in his room and spend 30 minutes or so greiving - screaming, yelling, cursing, crying, breaking things - so he can atleast let it out and try to think about moving forward with life and with healing the family.

I didn't tell you I needed you today because I can't always depend on you or anyone for my emotional support, and you had plans. And you would feel awkward and in the way... but I did need you, and I think you underestimate just how much your shoulder helps me when I'm on it.