just breathe
2004-01-11 - 4:00 p.m.

Today's weather is what I love. The sun is out and the sky is so blue it dissolved all the clouds, and its cold. It deceives you with its warmth as you gaze at it from indoors, but when you step outside the cold goes straight to your bones. I used to love this cold but now I feel old because being that cold just kind of hurts and I feel I should be complaining about the rainy weather making my arthritis act up.

Yesterday Dad didn’t really talk until late in the evening. And I don’t mean talk about the situation at hand, I mean talk – period. I tried to joke with him about little things like we always do but he didn’t even say anything. After a while I just decided to ignore him and hope he gets over it soon; its like he’s just pouting now. I know I’m not right for doing that, so I’m trying to still look at him with a compassionate heart and not tell him how he should feel; I honestly don’t understand how he feels because I’ve never been hurt that way. It’s not fair to him if we all “get over it” and therefore assume he should be also and try to sweep the rest under the rug (so to speak). I caught myself doing that the other day and that’s really not what he needs right now. I’m just afraid that if he doesn’t face it right now, he’ll just go on ignoring the situation until it makes his heart really bitter and then its harder to heal.

Today is a little better. Chris #2 goes to church with Dad while Tanya stays with me and Mom, and Chris and Dad get along really well so maybe that was helpful. They think a lot alike so I hope they had some bonding time on the ride there and back.

Maybe it’ll be a little warmer tomorrow so I can finally go to the museum and also get my hair cut. And then I’ll get my hair cut (said enthusiastically the second time).